The Producer’s Guide to Avoiding Human Contact

The Producer's Guide to Avoiding Human Contact is a satirical survival manual for anyone who's ever wanted to disappear mid-meeting, dodge a coffee invite, or ghost a brainstorming session without losing their job or their dignity. Packed with dry humor, printable scripts, and ethically questionable rituals, this modular guide walks you through the art of strategic absence - from designing a workspace that repels visitors to crafting fake podcast interviews that satisfy social obligations.
Inside, you'll find: Door hangers that say "I'm in deep creative flow" (and mean it) Email templates for missing things on purpose Fashion tips for blending into walls at networking events Quizzes to determine if you're ready to go full hermit Guest essays from producers who haven't spoken since 2014 Ambient noise hacks to simulate busyness while doing absolutely nothing Disclaimer: This book is a joke.
It's not professional advice. It's a love letter to introverts, creatives, and anyone who's ever faked a calendar event just to finish a sentence in peace. Perfect for readers who enjoy productivity with a side of mischief, The Producer's Guide to Avoiding Human Contact is your permission slip to protect your focus, reclaim your time, and disappear with style.