Italian are aliens

An alien inspector arrives in Italy with a taxonomy, a notebook, and a deadline. The taxonomy is forty-seven volumes long. The methodology has worked on six hundred and twelve civilizations across four hundred and thirty-one planetary systems. The deadline is firm. Three hundred days later, none of the three survived contact with the Italian peninsula. Italians Are Aliens (And They Don't Know It) is a literary field report on the most unclassifiable civilization in the known universe - nearly 500 pages of observation, bewilderment, espresso, and the slow realization that some places are not meant to be classified.
Only experienced. Survival is guaranteed. Understanding is optional.