Who Pays the Bill?

"Who Pays the Bill?" is a sharp, hilarious romantic comedy that follows Alex Singh, a Bondi raised Australian accountant who believes in "shouting" mates and strict equality in relationships, and Lee Wen, a Malaysian-Chinese marketing executive who grew up with the ironclad rule that if a man truly likes you, he pays-full stop. What starts as a promising Bumble match in pricey Sydney quickly detonates into a two-year financial arms race when their wildly incompatible money cultures collide over a $78 truffle-fry bill on their first date.
From weaponized PayID requests and a constantly mutating Google Sheet of romantic expenses to towel mountains, condom depreciation schedules, and the legendary $5.50 flat-white fight, every coffee, Uber, hotel night, and crab leg becomes a new battlefield in their war of wallets. The novella charts their chaotic journey through turn-based billing systems that collapse immediately, the mythical "Big One" Lee Wen keeps promising, parental yum-cha interventions, and the accidental therapy provided by Airbnb hosts and stranded German backpackers named Lars.
Beneath the escalating absurdity-complete with columns for "emotional  labor" and "leg-waxing overhead"-is a surprisingly tender exploration of cultural expectations, gender roles, and the unique pressure Sydney's eye-watering cost of living puts on modern love. In the end, after countless fights, make-up sex invoices, and one very expensive wedding settled by Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock, they invent the gloriously impractical 38-62-100 Rule and finally retire the spreadsheet, proving that love in the world's most expensive city isn't about splitting the bill perfectly-it's about deciding whose turn it is to shout, and when to just let the other person pay because it feels right.
Witty, painfully relatable, and packed with vivid Sydney sensory details (humid lane-way steam, jacaranda mush, the soul-crushing beep of a contact-less payment), "Who Pays the Bill?" is a fresh, laugh-out-loud take on cross-cultural romance that somehow turns financial warfare into proof that the right person is worth every overpriced flat white-and occasionally the entire buffet.