The Mostly Harmless and Useless Guide to Nothing Very Useful

THE MOSTLY HARMLESS AND USELESS GUIDE TO NOTHING VERY USEFULBarnaby was a man of simple pleasures, namely collecting bread-bag tags and being professionally average. His life's greatest crisis was the day he was replaced by a velvet rope. That is, until he accidentally boarded a galactic garbage scow while looking for the Number 42 bus. Now, Barnaby is the only thing standing between the universe and total linguistic collapse.
Drafted as a "Neutral Arbiter" in a 300-year civil war fought entirely over the placement of an apostrophe, he must navigate a galaxy filled with:  Pedantic Generals who weaponize grammar. Existential Dread People who just want you to admit life is a bit of a bore. A Sentient Toaster with a Ph. D. in browning levels and a very bad attitude. From the soggy streets of Earth to the Cosmic Kitchen at the edge of reality, Barnaby is on a quest to press the Universe's Reset Button.
The only problem? The reboot takes ten billion years, and he's fairly certain he left the kettle on back home. A 20-chapter epic about the beauty of being completely, utterly, and unapologetically useless