Test Subjects

How to Read This Book (A Helpful Guide for Readers)Welcome to this love story about focus groups, terrible products, and two broke people who really should have just gotten normal jobs. If you're expecting a traditional romance novel, you know, the kind where attractive people meet randomly in a coffee shop, they have one meaningful conversation and immediately know they're soulmates, you're going to be very disappointed.
This is not that type of book. This is a book about: A woman who eats ramen for dinner and names her car's warning light. A man who teaches middle school science and drives a car nicknamed "The Blue Whale." Their journey flows from "who is this person?" to "oh no, I have feelings" to "we're engaged with a stolen Bluetooth ring." It's a slow burn. But like, a really slow burn. The kind where the match gets wet and you have to dry it out first and then find a good striking surface and maybe give up and just use a lighter instead.
What This Book Is: A romantic comedy about two disasters finding each other. A satire about consumer culture and the tech economy. A true testament to the bonding power of shared suffering. Proof that love can start anywhere, even in Suite 407 of a depressing office building. What This Book Is Not: A guide to focus group testing (seriously, don't use this as a manual) Financial advice (these people make horrible money decisions) A How-To for healthy relationships (they figure it out eventually, but the journey is messy) Appropriate for people who hate sarcasm (honestly, it's like 87% sarcasm) A Note on Realism: Yes, the products are exaggerated.
But only slightly. I've done extensive research (by which I mean: I've seen some things in my days). Bluetooth-enabled potato peelers do exist. Meditation apps that yell at you are real. Smart fridges that judge your food choices are available for purchase right now. The love story? That's real too. Not Julia and Garrett specifically, they're fictional, but the idea that people can meet in weird circumstances, bond over ridiculous things, and build something meaningful while testing terrible products for $75? That happens.
Love doesn't always look like Hollywood. Sometimes it looks like two broke people sitting on a conference room floor at 2 AM, talking honestly about their failures while being monitored by sleep sensors. Sometimes that's better than Hollywood.