Nglnd Xpx

Par : Ian Hutson
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  • FormatePub
  • ISBN978-1-301-72282-2
  • EAN9781301722822
  • Date de parution12/10/2013
  • Protection num.pas de protection
  • Infos supplémentairesepub
  • ÉditeurBluewater

Résumé

NGLND XPX (or "England Expects") is a wonky-wheeled pudding-trolley of sweetmeats and savoury treats for your brain-gland. We recommend a spoonful of everything. It's all dreadfully civilised fun, and not at all serious. The science is improbable, the history inaccurate, the plots farcical and the fiction splendid. Within these pages are old people in space, conscripted into the English military (and we have no idea how we're ever going to get the universe to smell fresh and clean again).
The truth about what really happened during the Industrial Revolution is revealed, including full details of that nasty accident with the first half-dozen steam trains, most of the bankers and all of the lawyers. We have mill-owner's sons rebelling with a spot of ballet, mill-owner's daughters wantonly playing the cello and mill-owner's wives demonstrating the noble art of fainting into a small glass of something medicinal from the Orient.
The obligatory migration of the human species away from planet Earth is achieved in über-cheap Virgin Model-T spacecraft - available in any colour you like, so long as you like Virgin red. On high days and holidays we have Her Majesty The Queen meeting, greeting and sipping tea on the lawn with some very nice, very polite aliens, while in her darker moments under threat from rogue comets Her Majesty slips into a pair of rubber gloves and washes the dishes for Europe.
The UFOs involved are classic flying saucers and the robots are cute, especially the short one with the trowel and the teddy bear who has to hurriedly invent some ten commandments for the human species (and he only manages four and a half, but they're good ones). Even the very few zombies involved are extraordinarily polite, upper-crust and quite out of their depth without the help of a maid. If you love rolling around in parts of the English language that haven't seen the light of day for a long while, and if you don't mind the occasional dozy Labrador dog throwing up in his goldfish-bowl space-suit helmet, then this is the book for you.
Chin-chin, tickettyboo. CONTENTS* The Model-T Virgin.* Begging Your Pardon, My Lord, But Cook's Been Eaten Again.* Robots Knitting With Rubber Needles.* Je Pense It's All Going Very Bien.* Footloose, En Pas De Basque.* iG-0-D.* In Which Mr Cadwallader Shampoos His Parrot In The Rain Using Some Very Dated Popular Science.* Diary Of A National Service Chap.* Blood-Curdling Screams And The Whitworth Screw-Thread.* The Day The Earth Took Tea.
Written in British english all the way through. Chin-chin.* * * * * 'For an adventure into the wonderfully colourful and no holds barred world of British Satire and Farce type humour, this is the book you've been waiting for. ...'* * * * * 'Highly recommend to those looking to give their brains (as well as their hearts and their funny bones) a workout. ...'* * * * * 'I absolutely love Ian Hutson's lively, whimsical prose! His layered stories are entertaining on many different levels.
While the concepts he explores are light-hearted, the underlying implications are often a commentary on the foibles of human nature. ...
An old-fashioned Englishman living, unsurprisingly, in England. My home is my canal boat and I spend my life on the move at a rip-roaring three miles per hour or so. Have done for eleven years now. Everything I write is written in English - not in American, not in some "International" English, but in English English with all of our (original) spellings and peculiarities. To complicate matters and make things more difficult I often include spoonerisms and words of a non-existibode nature (for ref see William Archibald Spooner 1844-1930) where it suits me or meets a whim.
I love the English language, and I tend to use a lot of it. I talk to dogs, and I talk to trees - and I often forget to speak to any humans nearby. The Sun worries me, it's an unsupervised mass of nuclear fire just eight light-minutes away. Summer is my least-favourite season (this is not often a problem in England, where Summer lasts between zero and ten days on average). My politics - often misunderstood, either accidentally or wilfully by some - is that I don't believe in politics.
Each and every policy and decision in our lives ought, I think, to be considered afresh and in isolation. Religion? No thanks, although I probably talk to The Universe as much as I talk to dogs and trees. Do I believe in "Karma"? No, I've seen no evidence of it. Do I believe in a something akin to spirits and wotnot? Absolutely, I've seen and experienced loads of what people term paranormal events, happenings, manifestations.
Parallel realities? I don't know, that may explain a lot of things. In short, I have drawn no conclusions about my place as a human being in the world. Do I think that we can all get along with one another like snuggly bunny rabbits? Not a chance, as animals go we're a lot more primitive than we think we are. We are barely out of the trees. Favourite colour? Blue, probably. Music? The seventies, eighties, and nineties.
Do I like Marmite? Absolutely. Am I excited when I see a stick of broccoli or a head of dark green cabbage or a bag of carrots? Oh yes. A sad little individual? I suppose I probably am. Tinkettytonk, Honkytonks all, do keep on keeping on - if only because the very fact of your existence and mine seems to annoy so many people and institutions. Have fun. Don't forget to wash behind your ears.
Canal Holiday Full Suez
Ian Hutson
E-book
4,49 €
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Ian Hutson
E-book
4,49 €