Lord of the Paper Clips

Long ago, in the mists of time (two weeks ago, actually), the Evil Lord, He Whose Name Must Never Be Spoken (Because It Is So God Damn Hard To Pronounce), Lord Shantnu created seven paper clips. One for the CEO, a real phony, Two for his ass kissing cronies, Two for Finance and Legal, dark regions of doom where none survive, And two for Sales and Marketing, places where customers are eaten alive. The paper clips gave the bearers great power, and twenty percent off in the staff canteen.
Plus, they could be used to clean your ears. But they had all been fooled. For the Evil Lord had created an extra paper clip. One paper clip to rule them all. One to bring them together, and in the artificial light of the office, bind them. Made in China. And now, Dodo must go on a journey to destroy the Paper Clip. His pension and gym membership depends on it.  Short story. Lord Of The Paper Clips!  A tale of bravery, honor and valiant deeds.
A tale where every problem will be solved by Deus ex machina, and the hero will defeat the villain by five pm, so he can go drinking. Real reader Review: "Your book got me in trouble. I was reading it on the train, and laughing so much, people were staring at me. They thought I was crazy or something. But I couldn't stop reading!"