How Not To Live Your Life - The Legend of Cuthbert Huntsman, #1 - E-book - ePub

You're the world's worst life coach - a bankrupt barfly with eight broken marriages. But you think you're wiser than Jordan Peterson and Deepak Chopra combined. Meet Cuthbert Huntsman, a man on a mission to track down humanity's biggest losers, hear their preposterous life stories, and discover the true secrets of failure. Learn how not to live your life from The Hans Christian Andersen of Incompetence.
Includes easy-to-follow rules. Cuthbert meets a confused gangster who has forgotten where all the bodies are buried, a parkour star who turns thirty in mid-air and decides to retire, an astronomer who discovers a second Earth and loses it again, a postman destined to travel unimpressive distances through the space-time continuum in a quantum shed, a shaman who can channel apathy, a Zoomer determined to cancel the twentieth century, an immortal pig farmer forced to spend eternity in the shadow of his over-achieving brother Satan, a bag lady with imaginary enemies, a survivor of a cataclysmic daytime TV show, a misguided musician who attracts women by pretending to be married, a nymphomaniac yeti-hunter, a police inspector struggling to solve a cosy human sacrifice mystery, and an accident-prone daredevil who believes we are all entitled to one last phone call after we die.
By gathering anecdotes and textbook cockups from his fellow losers and eccentric fantasists, Cuthbert formulates a set of rules outlining how not to live, and shares some of his least successful life coaching techniques along the way. This twisted take on self improvement books is crammed with heightened comedy characters, and provides a foolproof guide for anyone wishing to know how not to live their life.
Failure is guaranteed!This is the first of three full-length comedy novels in the Legend of Cuthbert Huntsman series. Interview with the Author:Q - What's so special about the Cuthbert Huntsman series?A - They are all comedy books full of dark humour, frantic action, shameless sex, staggering stupidity, and misguided wisdom. At a time when everyone is pretending to be perfect and "living their best lives" on Instagram, I think it's refreshing to have a deeply flawed anti-hero stumbling about from one mistake to another.
It feels closer to my own life, anyway. Q - What order should I read the Cuthbert Huntsman Trilogy in?A - It's more of a loosely conjoined threesome than a trilogy, but I'd suggest: 1. How Not To Live Your Life 2. Cop Lives Probably Matter 3. Trigger Warning Cuthbert narrates and wreaks havoc in all three. How Not To Live Your Life is a twisted take on self improvement books, and crammed with heightened comedy characters.
Cop Lives Matter is a comedy crime tale, a parody of the police drama "Line of Duty". Trigger Warning is an SAS comedy, a satire of the bestselling military thriller perfected by Andy McNab and Chris Ryan. Q - Why are you parodying such popular genres?A - Because I love them. I am a big fan of crime books, thriller books and Jordan Peterson's self development books for men. That doesn't mean I can't take all the things I like about them - the earnestness, or the relentless pace, or the jaw-dropping action, and exaggerate them to ludicrous levels.
At least I hope not. I don't want to go into hiding from the SAS, the police, or even Jordan Peterson.