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The Year I Stopped Pretending
Everyone asks how you are. You always say fine. But you're not fine. You haven't been fine in a while. You smile at work, you perform at dinner, you post the photo, you say the right thing at the right time to the right people. And when you get home, when the door closes and the audience is gone, you sit in a silence that feels nothing like peace and everything like a life you don't recognize anymore.
This book is about what happens when fine stops working. When the word gets stuck in your throat one morning and you realize the mask you've been wearing for years has gotten too heavy to hold. Not because you're brave enough to take it off. Because your face can't carry it anymore. Inside you'll find: how we learn to pretend before we learn to drive, why saying yes when you mean no is slowly erasing you, what your body has been keeping track of while you performed your way through another day, why you scroll for hours and feel nothing, what grief looks like when the world has decided your time for sadness is up, and what actually happens on the other side when you stop.
This is not a self-help book. There are no five steps. No morning routine. No cold showers. If one more person tells you to journal your feelings, you have full permission to throw the journal at them. This is a mirror. For everyone who has been functioning on the outside and disappearing on the inside. For everyone who has been called strong when they were drowning. For everyone who is tired of being tired of pretending.
The year you stopped pretending was not the year you became perfect. It was the year you became yours.
This book is about what happens when fine stops working. When the word gets stuck in your throat one morning and you realize the mask you've been wearing for years has gotten too heavy to hold. Not because you're brave enough to take it off. Because your face can't carry it anymore. Inside you'll find: how we learn to pretend before we learn to drive, why saying yes when you mean no is slowly erasing you, what your body has been keeping track of while you performed your way through another day, why you scroll for hours and feel nothing, what grief looks like when the world has decided your time for sadness is up, and what actually happens on the other side when you stop.
This is not a self-help book. There are no five steps. No morning routine. No cold showers. If one more person tells you to journal your feelings, you have full permission to throw the journal at them. This is a mirror. For everyone who has been functioning on the outside and disappearing on the inside. For everyone who has been called strong when they were drowning. For everyone who is tired of being tired of pretending.
The year you stopped pretending was not the year you became perfect. It was the year you became yours.
