Rachel Gay

When things escalate, it can feel like nothing works. You've tried the strategies. You've stayed calm. And still, it unravels. Held, Not Fixed takes a different approach. Instead of focusing on behaviour alone, it helps you understand what's happening underneath. Why children struggle to regulate, and why strategies often don't land in the moment. Because children don't learn regulation first. They borrow it - from the adults around them.
This book offers a clear, practical way to respond in real situations - not just when things are calm, but when they're already going wrong. Inside, you'll find: A grounded explanation of what drives behaviour Why common strategies fail under stress Practical ways to respond that support regulation and connection A consistent approach you can return to, even on hard days No scripts to memorise. No pressure to get it right every time.
A clear, grounded way forward. If this approach makes sense to you, you can start here.