"Haud Yer Wheetsht!" - Your Scottish Granny's Favorite Sayings

From the nation that gave the world television, the pneumatic tyre, the telephone, penicillin, the steam engine, logarithme, modern banking, tar macadam, the bicycle and much, much more we now proudly present that most useful of faculties : -our Scottish grannies' common sense ! After a life time of contemplation, the only thing the French philosopher René Descartes could leave the world with was : "I think, therefore I am".
It isn't shrewd, and it ain't funny. But Scottish grannies have always been endowed with level-headed pragmatism, and hours whiled away in the scullery talking to the cat and mangling the laundry have allowed them to create an entire philosophy of their own which has been passed down from generation to generation. This is a compilation of over 500 observations on life, obtained from numerous mature, astute and worldly-wise elderly Scottish ladies of distinction.
It is a gift of maturity to those who need it, common sense to those who Jack it, and worldly wisdom to ail. Follow them and have a long and happy life.